Missing my boy

My daughters boyfriend was taken into hospital today to have his appendix out, he is absolutely fine but tonight I had to go to the dreaded hospital where my little boy was taken on that awful morning. I decided to have a walk around and came to the chapel, the place I visited whilst they were trying to resuscitate my baby and remembered how I sat in there and literally begged Him not to take my boy, please let me keep him. And I remembered how I had to hold him in my arms later that night while the life support was removed.
I miss him so much still, I miss his cheeky face and his lighthearted ways, I miss his kindness and loving cuddles. I miss waking up every morning to see him gazing at me, I miss the way his hand fitted into mine, the way his little arms wrapped around me and mine around him and now my arms feel so empty and my heart so heavy.
Where ever you are, I love you Matthew xxx

Birthstone Memorial Bracelets Pictures

Here are a couple of pictures of my birthstone memorial bracelets, I still have to make some of the months but as you can see they are all from the same design, only the birthstone bead changes.


Sapphire for September





Topaz for November

 


Rose for October

 If anybody reading this blog would like to purchase one of these bracelets then I am giving you 15% off. Just enter the discount code 'BLOG15' at checkout.
Take care
Sarah x

Does He ever wonder?

I am having one of those horrid days today, the whole world seems to have gone mad! I have been looking on the famous facebook, just making sure my daughter is safe on there. I have to say how disappointed I am with it all and that is just part of my disappointment. I looked through a few profiles or pages or whatever they call them and saw nothing but abuse and bad language; it seems to be the way some people communicate these days and I feel bad for saying that I am almost glad that my son and daughter went to Heaven, that they were spared this awful world in which we live. As I said this is simply a small part of my disappointment, I watch the news and its full of war and fighting, people killing each other and causing irrepairable damage to one another and I wonder.... does God look down and wonder what happened to it all? The wonderful world he created is falling to pieces around us and what can we do? I really don't know that answer to it all but I envy those who have gone before us, those who are now dwelling in Gods garden in everlasting peace and love. And I wonder, is there a Hell or is this Hell?
Maybe our babies died to spare them of the pain of Earth, all in all it really isn't such a nice place sometimes. I live a very simple life, sadly due to personal reasons I dont have much family, just my mum really and I have no friends as such and I guess that makes it harder to understand and bear sometimes. I guess I choose to live this way as I can't tolerate attitudes and silly moaning, the loss of a child puts so much into perspective and unfortunately has made me very intollerant. I wonder is this normal? Maybe it's because I haven't dealt with my losses, I have never had counselling or talked things through, some things are just too sad to tell anybody.
They say He never gives us more than we are able to cope with but I wonder... does He ever wonder if He got it wrong???
To anybody who reads this thanks for listening to my ramblings of the day.
I hope you are having a better day
Sarah x

I need more followers, oh and a blog hop!

I really need more followers so that I don't feel a fool talking to just a handful of people. I have also had a go at my first blog hop, not really sure what I am doing but hoping to learn
Sarah x

Ok I think I am supposed to say what has made me happy this week....

My son being happy - My eldest son is now 18 and has moved approx a 12 hour car ride away. He has moved with his girlfriend and has a job, home etc and when I call him I hear his happiness. I didnt hear or see it for so long after Matthew passed away.

A thank you card from another Angel Family - I made them a memorial book and they sent me a beautiful card to say thank you. It makes my work worthwhile.

Finding others who know - how it feels.

Hugs to all xx

Birthstone Memorial Bracelets

Good evening, just a quick post today as I have had trouble with my computer and had to go out and buy a new one yesterday so I am behind with my work.
We were really excited to receive a delivery of swarovski crystal beads yesterday which means we can finally start to make our birthstone memorial bracelets, they will be available in our shop very soon along with lots more memorial jewellery.
I am consentrating on memorial jewellery at the moment because I know that those things brough me so much comfort when I lost my babies. Jewellery is so intimate and makes excellent memorial items.
Will post some pictures in the next few days.
Until then take care
Sarah x

Matthew

The sun has been shining and the weather has been hot today, I have been busy working all day but this evening I had special time with my boy. Sadly this means visiting the cemetery where Matthew has lived for the past 6 years. It never ceases to surprise me when I see his head stone, his name carved into the black granite and I wonder how the hell this happened to me. Then I wonder how I survived such an awful journey. After miscarrying Victoria I thought I had had my share of bad luck, how wrong I was!
So this evening I chatted to Matthew as I swept and scrubbed, weeded and polished and then I just sat on a step by the side of his 'bed' and I thanked God for the blessing I had in being his mum, an ANGEL MUM.

My smiling angel boy.

Welcome to my blog

First of all I had better introduce myself, I am Sarah and I am a mum to two angels. Victoria got her wings in 1997 when I miscarried and Matthew got his wings in 2004 when he contracted meningitis at the age of 4. Those have to go down as the worst times of my life and the times when I developed the strength that only an Angel mum possesses, they were times that I never thought I would survive. When I lost Victoria I never thought I would have another baby, I was told I was suffering from PCOS and that it would be difficult if not impossible to conceive again and then I was blessed with Matthew. Although I only had Victoria for a few short weeks and Matthew for 4 years I was truly blessed and feel truly honoured to be able to call myself their Mum.

It was the inspiration of my angels that led me to set up Heavens Gain, a site for memorial keepsakes and memory books. I hope that I can bring just a little comfort and peace to others who have lost precious babies and children whatever their ages.

I will share with you my newest item from my website, a handmade fimo clay baby angel memorial plaque.
Hope you like it
Sarah x

Available in pink, blue, white or lemon